Deceptor Marketing Strikes Again
Hello, fans of spandex and Appletinis. Or is it just me who realizes how awesome these things are? Either way, I’m sure we can agree on one thing: you need a content marketing agency caring enough to shield you from agencies that want to deceive you into using terrible content strategies. I recently interrupted a recording from our foes at Deceptor Marketing and thought the best way to teach you about their trickery was to show you what it looks like. Listen and learn: this is how you DON’T do social media. Ever.
Dr.Deceptor: We can’t have The Contentinators® ruining Deceptor Marketing with their good advice. We’ll lose all of our clients if they learn that we’re the reason their businesses are failing. The camera’s rolling, SocioSiren, so you have to make our future clients believe everything you say. What’s the worst advice for social media you can think of?
SocioSiren: Engage, in her own interview, claims that you should avoid spam at all costs. I say that’s nonsense. If you already have an audience that is interested in what you have to say, then tell them! Show them your day, your cat, how much you need your morning coffee, and brag about your business. Your social media platform is your own personal canvas. Let your charms shine.
DD: That’s excellent, believable logic. Why wouldn’t your audience want to know all the small details of your life?
SS: It’s the little things that count. A lot of them.
DD: On that note, how do you repel—I mean, how do you attract that devoted following?
SS: Oh, Doctor. I know what you meant. Why would we ever want to repel an audience? To attract the largest, most devoted following you can have, you have to fake it ‘til you make it. If you want to be popular, you have to pretend you have a crazed posse hanging off you at every second. Your audience doesn’t have to be real right away. Buy your followers. If you’re cheap, then make a lot of fake accounts to follow your page. If people see that you’re popular, they’ll want to be part of the cool club and check you out.
DD: Speaking of cool, there’s something all the suave kids on social media are using these days to gain that dedicated following: hashtags. Do you have any advice?
SS: Of course! Hashtags are a vital part of your social media marketing. You have to hashtag everything to extend your reach. It’s common sense: if you’re only using one or two, then you’re not reaching as many people as you would if you’re using, say, twelve. Or, if you’re an overachiever, then you can use thirty. Your audience will understand that you’re trying to reach other like-minded people. And if they don’t like it? They can keep scrolling.
DD: That’s what scroll buttons are made for. If only more people could learn of them–and by more people, I mean the suspicious spandex-clad man standing outside of our window. I can’t read lips, but I think he’s saying, “I’ll get you for this.” It’s tiem for us to run before this guy breaks in and throws us out. I wish we could have had a longer interview, but this should be enough to make everyone believe that Deceptor Marketing is an honest content marketing agency dedicated to delivering the best advice possible.
At that moment, the window breaks and the video ends. Captain Content shakes his head and clenches his fists. He refuses to tolerate Deceptor Marketing’s blatant lies.
Captain Content: There you have it, straight out of Dr. Deceptor’s mouth. Their goal is to take your business and make it less engaging than drying paint. Instead, call The Continentinators® at 866-471-4748, and we will help you build a content marketing strategy that works. Our team is dedicated to making sure you’re speaking to a real audience that is interested in what you have to say.