Red Captain Content

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“Would you like another drink, Mr. Content?”

“That’s Captain Content. And yes, that would be great, thanks.”

“Was it a margarita?”

This would make his third appletini, actually, all of which were served by the same beachside waitress, and so, Captain Content could only think to himself: attention to detail and understanding your customer’s concerns are key factors in the foundation of a good content marketing agency. He breathed in deeply and then exhaled. The Caribbean bay before him stretched out in crystalline perfection; the warm salt-air brushed the fine teeth of the many tall palm trees, and they emitted a soothing rustle. It was indeed some form of paradise.

Just relax, Content. This is a vacation, after all.

“Sure,” he said with a grin, “a margarita sounds fantastic. No salt though.”

“Great. I’ll bring that right out Dr. Content,” and she wandered back to the bar.

Captain Content sighed. Vacations didn’t come easy to him. He was a man that worked, and worked, and worked….a superhero for masses delivering fresh media and destroying bogus spam. And being a superhero never felt like a job to him; it was a calling, one that he didn’t like to leave. But the gang, his Contentinators®, felt he needed some time off. They’d pulled so many all-nighters lately, building up SEO, deleting spam at every corner, throwing Deceptor henchman out windows; it had begun to wear him a bit thin. That spandex was only so good an armor.

So, he took a few days and flew to a small exotic island to soak in some rays and kick back a few drinks. And that’s exactly what he was trying to do. As Engage had asked him to do, he’d shut off all his devices. The Contentinators promised to hold down the fort at the best content marketing agency on the planet, and he knew they could and would.

“Here you go, Doctor Contract.”

The waitress, Brittany (he’d taken the time to learn her name, vacation or not; there was no reason to stop collecting data) handed a margarita down to him. The rim was covered in salt.

“Thanks,” Captain Content said simply. This is a vacation.

She wandered off again, and he put on some Contentinators branded sunglasses. His luggage was red and blue, as was his towel, his wallet, his toothbrush, his car, his vacuum and microwave, the cover of his passport, a laptop he’d brought to the beach (Engage wouldn’t be happy with this move), and any and every shirt, socks, shoes, and pants he owned when he wasn’t decked out in spandex. Branding, Captain Content knew well, was critical, and needed to be done in a consistent manner to be effective. He always aimed to be effective.

As he took a sip of his margarita, lounging out on this long gold beach with a rumble of soft shore break in front of him, he started to doze off. Maybe being off the superhero clock wasn’t so bad after all. But, before he could quite drift off into a dreamy world of zero spam and interface that was only creative, he heard his red Contentinators phone ding.

“I know I turned that thing off,” he said aloud, to no one. The words appeared in a thought bubble above his head, as they always seemed to.

Concerned, he shuffled through his backpack and gazed at the screen of the phone. It was blank. Odd.

He placed the phone back in his bag and reclined once again.

Ding. Bing. Boing.

The sounds came from not his phone, but all around him, up and down the Caribbean beach. Captain Content sat back up and watched as tourists shuffled through their own bags with puzzled looks on their faces.

Then, as if it rolling in with a fast moving thunderstorm, every phone on the beach began ringing in unison. A sickening mix of pop songs and random jingles consumed the sand: it was mobile spam barrage. Everyone was trying to turn their phones off, but the spam texts and mobile advertisements just kept pouring in. Captain Content watched as one man dunked his phone directly in his drink.

Does a content marketing agency ever really take a vacation? Not the best. And not the Contentinators. 68% of American adults have smartphones, which is up 35% from just four years ago. It creates a tremendous marketing opportunity, but also, as Captain Content was seeing before him, a chance for dastardly marketing approaches.

Someone was taking over the world’s cell phones.

His blue cape was back on before he even got to the dunes. Past them, near the beachside bar, he saw Brittany staring wide-eyed at her phone.

“How far is the nearest airport?,” he asked.

“I’m not sure. Everyone’s phone has been taken over by something. It’s all turned to spam. I can’t look anything up.”

It was time to get back to the business of being a superhero; his life was a vacation.

“Then I’ll have to just fly myself. Farewell Brittany.”

And right there, he put an arm in the air and took off from the sand, leaving slacked jaws on the Caribbean island below. Captain Content flew back home: it was time to save the day again.