Captain Content

Bad Content Rising

It had all come to him in a dream, which is clichéd, but that fact pushed him to try and execute the concept even more so: Doctor Deceptor was a great fan of clichés. This wasn’t his first evil scheme, and he doubted it would be his last, but deep down he had a feeling that this one stood a larger than usual chance of finally destroying those dreaded Contentinators®. The Doctor sat on the darkened roof of his evil headquarters and envisioned a world in a spiral of miserable advertising and clueless application; content marketing in disarray. Ah yes….that was a pleasant dream.

Doctor Deceptor was raised with the beliefs of a truly traditional Ad Man: his father, Mr. Deceptor, owned a newspaper factory downtown and viewed media as a singular enterprise, one that never would or never could be changed. But, of course, it did, and elder Deceptor could not adapt. His son, once the great hope of a future filled with bland confusing advertising, grew bitter right alongside him. He was turned down by all the best business and marketing colleges, and, eventually, was only offered a scholarship by Spam U.

School bored him; everything bored him, except content chaos. He started small: college flyers for concerts that he’d manipulate with inaccurate details, calling local radio stations with fake traffic reports, paying pilots to fly banners along beaches for events that didn’t exist. He wasn’t actually a doctor, but found if he called himself one often enough, people eventually started to do the same: it was an early view into personal viral social marketing.  A personal evil content marketing agency was slowly being born.

After failing to graduate, Deceptor was still somewhat hopeful for a world where he could excel and be paid for creating advertising that was intrusive and always untrue, so he applied to as many low-fi content marketing agencies as he could, but was turned down by them all. Even they told him he needed to funnel his odd creativity for the good of the consumer, to be that mystical link that brought together the hard working company and the people that needed hard work.

He quit his job search quickly and found something that suited him much better: professional villainy. He found minions, legions of them, on Internet forums and through direct mailers (those flyers he still very much appreciated, aesthetically), and began the work of making the world of content as confusing as possible, which is, after, his life’s work.

It was going fantastically: it turned out that the proliferation of social media just allowed more arenas for Deceptor Marketing to inject chaos and confusion. He and his minions thrived. Everything began to look bleak for the future of content marketing. The world of turmoil suited his being.

Then, one day, the Contentinators arrived.

Tonight, sitting on top of the roof of this new Deceptor Marketing HQ, after those very superheroes found and dismantled his Dockside hive, the thought of them made him shudder. Why were they so intent on clarity? Why did they feel the need to help their clients get a return on value, to create SEO capabilities that actually worked?

It started with that Captain of theirs….but they were all good. A well-oiled superhero content marketing creation machine. He had to admit.

Doctor Deceptor sighed, letting the night air settle in around him to cool his nerves a bit. In the alley, he could see the silhouettes of some of his minions walking around distractedly, without purpose. Captain Content had thwarted him at every turn, but, this time, would be different. The Contentinators had managed to get ahead of every devious plan he’d launched into the content of the social media world, but his new idea bypassed content and went straight to the physical source that 64% of adults used to get their information and content: their smart phones. If Doctor Deceptor could control the phones, he could control the discourse, and with that, the content.

Online creative content marketing may once again be doomed, just as his father’s newspaper plant had been.

He began cackling, and from the roof, in that moment of joy, he began throwing direct-mailers to the ground below, a confusing confetti. This time would be different! Content marketing agencies would be on the run! But then overhead, loud enough for the “Doctor” to hear, but quiet nonetheless, the distinctive sound of a fluttering cape zoomed by. He saw red and blue colors, backlit in a dark sky against a half-moon, passing over Deceptor Marketing without even pausing.

Could he know the plan already? Were his personal search engines that optimized? There was only one way for Doctor Deceptor to find out, and he was looking forward to it.

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